Debriefing children poses special challenges.  Different age groups react differently and have different needs.  In general, it is much more important for you to know the facts of an incident before debriefing children, so that after they tell you what they believe happened, you are prepared to gently correct any misperceptions, rumors or other incorrect information they have.

Notifications

Before breaking bad news to children at a school or other institution, decide exactly what will be said.  Keep it short, direct and honest.  When you break the news to teachers or other adults, have printed copies of the notification script for them.  Give them the option of having a support person with them – school staff, debriefer, grief counselor or other trained people – and urge them to allow that person to break the news to the children if they don’t think they can do so without losing their composure altogether.  Although it is appropriate for adults to express their feelings in this kind of situation, we don’t want them to break down in front of the children.

Anyone making a death or trauma notification should be prepared to share the news three times, in three gentle but direct ways.  People generally cannot even begin to accept really hard news until they have heard it three times.

Teens

Teenagers from middle school through high school are generally befuddled by any questions about their feelings.  “What was the hardest part” often results in blank stares.  With children of all ages, you are more likely to have to prompt them by asking, “Was this scary?  Are you angry”  Are you sad?” and so forth.

Teens, especially in middle school, are much more likely than others to ask for gruesome details.  Try not to be startled by this, as it is a normal response for them.  They don’t need to know details, but it is crucial to answer them truthfully.  “I don’t know,” “I would rather not share that,” or the simplest possible true answer you can come up with are appropriate.

Younger children

The younger a child is, the less he or she is able to understand what it means to be severely injured or dead.  They may need this explained to them repeatedly.  “Billy died.  That means he can’t walk, he can’t talk or eat or play.  He won’t be able to come to school any more.”  With smaller children, it is generally best to educate the parents on how to talk to them about what happened and let them do so at home.